Rest Reflections
Last year, during an exhausting period in my life, I read the manifesto Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. This book profoundly transformed my understanding of rest, reshaping my perspective not only on a personal level but also on a broader, universal scale.
So, let me start by saying that learning how to genuinely and deeply rest, alongside healing my nervous system, has been one of the most profound—and, if I’m honest, recent—lessons I’ve encountered. Recognising and embracing your inherent worthiness of rest is a crucial starting point on this journey, especially when there's often subconscious pressure suggesting that busyness equals productivity and productivity equals success.
Productivity should not look like exhaustion. The concept of laziness is a tool of the oppressor. A large part of your unravelling from capitalism will include becoming less attached to the idea of productivity and more committed to the idea of rest as a portal to just be.
― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance
I used to believe I knew what rest meant, but I now realise that much of what I was experiencing was merely dissociation. This journey has taught me the difference between genuine rest and simply disconnecting, gifting me a lived experience of the importance of truly nurturing my nervous system to achieve deep, restorative rest. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that often views rest and its necessity as something shameful, as though it’s only a burden or something to be capitalised upon. Rest doesn’t have to be an elaborate yoga retreat or a vacation. I feel we have nearly lost touch with the true essence of rest.
Incorporating periods of rest into our daily routines alleviates the relentless pressure to constantly anticipate our next vacation as the sole opportunity to unwind. The reality is, when we do reach that awaited holiday, it often takes us a considerable time to drop into a relaxed state, as our nervous systems remain tightly wound from the busyness and stress of our daily lives. This unawareness perpetuates a cycle where we fail to acknowledge a fundamental truth. Just to be clear, I am definitely not against taking holidays—in fact, if you know me, you’d know how much I cherish them. (You’d also know I’m not going anywhere unless there’s a dreamy bathtub in the middle of nowhere involved).
Personally, this balance looks like taking entire days without my phone whenever possible. These digital sabbath’s leave me feeling less anxious, and tapped into an expansive energy I was unable to access while being so accessible to everyone else. I treasure my solo adventures in nature, spending quality time in what a dear friend recently coined “Cara land”.
Solitude has become a cherished companion, crucial for my recalibration.
Throughout my life, time often felt expansive, and rest seemed like a natural part of my existence. I crafted a life that felt breezy and effortless to create a peaceful environment for pursuing my studies. I surrounded myself with a level of playfulness that compensated for the experiences I missed during a chaotic and fleeting childhood. However, this bubble I had built during my late teens and mid twenties burst quickly when I decided to leave the small oceanside town I was in to pursue further study in a new state and city that I had never been to before during the middle of a pandemic. So, the past four years have been the most rapid and intense yet. While there were moments when life flowed smoothly, a significant portion of this time was spent living between two cities, which has always been challenging for my sensitive nervous system. It was during this period that the true lessons of rest began to emerge. Rest began to feel more like a lifeline than a lifestyle.
Life moved so swiftly during that time, I was dissociative as ever. I quickly learned the importance of safeguarding at least an hour each day—both in the morning and evening. This period is still now dedicated to having my tea, meditating, and reading my book before anything or anyone else can claim my attention. This routine has become crucial for maintaining my balance and well-being amidst life's busyness, and I am continually amazed by the positive impact it has on how I handle life's challenges. Although, I am only human and have my moments of impatience which I learn to laugh at. I am so grateful to say I have landed in a peaceful place both physically and mentally and life feels harmonious once again. This took time, seeking out my own psychotherapy and a lot of patience for the process.
We use busyness as a wonderful, horrible distraction from life, pain, emotions, and things we don’t want to face. It’s a way to avoid learning to be with ourselves, and it’s sneaky because it’s a very socially acceptable addiction.
― Caroline Dooner, Tired as F*ck
Rest and nervous system regulation must be woven into our daily routines. It's crucial to remember that this is a personal journey, and fine-tuning what works best for you is key to establishing habits that truly stick.
Here are a few personal anchors in my life that allow me to find balance in my everyday life:
My morning routine, which on some days is the only hour or so that I get to truly check in with myself and attend to my body and mind. This often includes meditation, savouring my tea mindfully, reading a book, and simply being present. Keeping morning routines simple is the trick to actually doing them. I’m fortunate to live near a beautiful corridor of bushland here in Sydney, where I treasure listening to the birds from my window and watch the sky unfurl—it's truly magical. As corny as it sounds, I am grateful everyday for the life I am supported by. If I have enough time before the world demands more of my attention, I go for a bush walk.
Sleep is my favourite medicine. Although it might seem obvious, proper sleep hygiene is actually remarkably uncommon. The constant presence of technology often leads me to forget the importance of powering down devices at least half an hour before bedtime. While most research suggests an hour, I’ve found that half an hour works best for me in practice. The same principle applies to the morning—prioritising my nervous system by starting the day with at least ten deep breaths to activate my parasympathetic nervous system makes a significant difference. Avoiding the urge to check my phone first thing in the morning also has a noticeable impact.
Prioritising my body's cues over my mind's has become a fundamental practice for me, especially after years of personal somatic psychotherapy. During this time, I’ve learned to discern and interpret various sensations and their meanings in different contexts. The profound wisdom our bodies provide is invaluable and should not be underestimated; often, they genuinely know what’s best. Achieving this level of insight and responsiveness, however, is only possible when I am well-rested.
Incorporating movement / body connection is a non-negotiable part of my day. When my energy levels are low, even just lying on my yoga mat and moving intuitively to stretch and connect with my body can be incredibly restorative for both my mind and body. For me, bushwalking is a meditative practice, and I am very grateful to live so close to a beautiful trail that allows me to immerse myself in nature. I am deeply grateful for the strength of my body. After experiencing chronic fatigue syndrome (and initially denying it) following a severe bout of dengue fever I received when traveling Flores. I spent nearly a year unable to exercise properly without experiencing flu-like symptoms. Swimming and yoga have played a crucial role in my recovery, and I am immensely grateful for the ocean and my various yoga teachers. Only recently has my physical strength and immune system started to return to what I once had, and it feels like a tremendous gift to move again without fear. Our bodies are truly remarkable in their resilience and capacity for recovery!
Spending time exploring my creative side has been incredibly fulfilling. Music has always been a profound passion of mine, and recently, learning to play the electric guitar has been both challenging and rewarding for my brain. My teacher described it perfectly: “It’s like patting your head and rubbing your stomach while speaking a new language.” Additionally, making playlists remains a therapeutic activity for me; when I was younger, I was always the one burning CDs for friends. It’s truly my love language and a cherished practice.
Making plans to socialise with friends and loved ones in settings that don’t involve overstimulation has become pivotal to me. For instance, I love nothing more than home-cooked meals in a friend's living room, a movie night, or spending time in nature. These simple activities foster deep human connection, which is vital for our well-being, without depleting our wallets or exhausting our social energy. This is one that changes with the seasons for me, come summer I am doing it all.
You were not just born to centre your entire existence on work and labour. You were born to heal, to grow, to be of service to yourself and community, to practise, to experiment, to create, to have space, to dream, and to connect.
Release the shame you feel when resting. It does not belong to you.
― Tricia Hersey, Rest Is Resistance
On a final note, I feel it is important to keep your strategies for rest and finding balance flexible and fluid; what works well for a while might need adjustment over time. Listen to that beautiful intelligence within your body. I often see clients fumbling around when developing a morning practice because the rigidity they expect themselves to conform to straight away has no flexibility for your ever changing needs. Attainable goals are key. Baby steps, if you will. For example, developing my meditation practice was initially challenging because I didn’t see much of a difference in my life straight away, finding it to be quite a chore. However, over time, with many adjustments, I found flexibility in my practice and the peace it brought me transformed meditation from a task I had to achieve to a place within me I genuinely wanted to return to everyday.
As you gradually come to recognise and appreciate your inherent worth, rest becomes achievable in many ways.
Rest is my most valuable act of rebellion in a society that demands otherwise.
Love,
Cara